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I Was Wrong—And You Are Too (Or, The Lies Experience Tells You) I started as an engineer, hired for my ability to build things and solve problems. But when I moved into management, something shifted. I wasn’t writing code anymore—I was making decisions that shaped teams, projects, and strategies. Over time, what people valued most wasn’t my technical skills, but my judgment: recognizing patterns, making good decisions, and bringing perspective. That’s what we usually mean by wisdom—not just knowing things, but knowing what works and what doesn’t. But here’s the catch: technology moves fast. And some of the patterns I relied on turned out to be wrong. Not because they were never true, but because I wasn’t questioning them often enough. For years, I believed speed and reliability were in conflict. Move fast, and you’d sacrifice stability. Optimize for reliability, and you’d slow down. And at the time that was mostly true—continuous deployment was immature, testing was inconsistent, observability was limited. But things changed. Today’s top teams balance speed and reliability by designing for resilience, automating deployments, and utilizing advanced monitoring and rollback mechanisms. My thinking hadn’t kept up with this evolution. That’s the real danger of wisdom—it feels like truth when it’s just outdated experience in disguise. You’ve seen something fail before, so you assume it always will. You’ve seen something work, so you treat it as a universal rule. Just because something didn’t work five years ago doesn’t mean it won’t work now. And just because a pattern held true in the past doesn’t mean it always will. The real problem isn’t having strong opinions. It’s not revisiting them. I’ve caught myself doing this more times than I’d like to admit. A new idea comes up, and my first reaction is skepticism: I’ve seen this before. I know how this ends. But if I’ve learned anything, it’s this: being too sure is dangerous. The best engineers and leaders I know aren’t just wise—they’re curious. They don’t just rely on past experience; they keep learning, questioning, and re-examining their assumptions. They use experience as a guide, not a rulebook. Wisdom is valuable—until it isn’t. The best decisions come not just from experience, but from staying curious, challenging assumptions, and staying open to new ideas. Technology moves forward. If you’re not rethinking old assumptions, you’re falling behind.

When Leaders Make Values Clear, Teams Feel Safe This past week has been challenging, and I know I’m not alone in feeling the strain. It made me reflect on what truly matters in a leader—and why being clear about our values as leaders is important for creating a safe, supportive environment. An organization’s culture ultimately mirrors its leadership. I feel secure and motivated when I’m in a place where my values align with my leader’s and the company’s values. But when there’s a misalignment, it’s hard to feel that sense of belonging. Right now, I’m personally feeling this on a national level—a powerful reminder of how leadership values (or the lack thereof) shape entire organizations and influence our sense of belonging and purpose. Walt Disney once said, “When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” This is equally true for organizations. When leaders are explicit about both their own values and those that define the company, it helps teams understand and even reliably predict decisions, building a foundation of trust. Throughout my career, I’ve been fortunate to work with exceptional leaders who were also genuinely good people. They embodied values like honesty, respect, kindness, courage, resilience, and equality—not just in words, but in their daily actions. At Netscape, for example, Jim Barksdale didn’t just speak about democratizing access to information; he made it a core part of Netscape’s corporate values, reinforcing this mission in every meeting and decision. His commitment was clear and authentic, allowing everyone to feel part of a larger purpose. As I move forward, I am committed to clearly communicating my personal values and highlighting how they align with our organization's values whenever possible. My hope is that this transparency will cultivate a sense of safety, respect, and understanding within my team. When people know where I stand, why I make certain decisions, and how these decisions align with the company's values, they will feel more secure and connected. Ultimately, clarity in values is not just about guiding decisions; it's also about creating an environment where everyone can feel they belong, contribute, and are safe.

Ice Cream and Leadership One of my fondest memories from early in my career is Jim Barksdale, the CEO of Netscape, pushing an ice cream cart around the office. He'd hand out ice cream to us engineers, striking up casual conversations. I'll never forget it. There I was, a low-level engineer coding away in my cube, and suddenly, Jim was standing there, offering me ice cream and chatting with me like we were old friends. At the time, I thought Jim was just being a nice guy. But Jim was simultaneously shaping the culture from the bottom up to the top down. He was breaking down barriers of rank and creating relationships with the workers while at the same time acting as a model for leadership. I didn't fully appreciate the power of this gesture until later in my career. As I moved up the ranks, I noticed a distance forming between me and my team. Initially, I thought everyone liked me and I was doing everything right. But I soon realized I was in a bubble, and people told me what they thought I wanted to hear. This lack of open communication can lead to poor decisions and limit my ability to support the team. Being approachable has significantly improved my effectiveness as an executive. It keeps me well-informed about what’s happening within the organization. For instance, we recently underwent a major reorganization, which proceeded smoothly—a rarity for such changes. By building trust and maintaining transparency, team members felt comfortable voicing their concerns. In a one-on-one, a team member mentioned that my frequent phone and Apple Watch usage made it seem like I wasn’t fully engaged. This feedback required considerable trust from him. I decided to stop wearing my Apple Watch and thanked him for his honesty. This feedback was invaluable, and I’m certain others had noticed the same issue. Being easy to talk to can change an entire team's culture. Approachable higher-ups make the organization feel less hierarchical, encouraging better interactions, trust, and teamwork at all levels. It starts at the top, and I find that the more approachable I am, the happier and more productive my team is. While you don’t have to go all out and push an ice cream cart around, there are a few simple things you can do: - Talk to your people: Simple, honest conversations foster an open atmosphere. - Listen: Show you value their input with genuine interest. - Humanize yourself: Share personal stories and experiences. - Be visible: Don’t stay in your office; be seen around the workplace. - Follow up: Show you care by acknowledging and acting on their input. - Have some fun: Use appropriate humor to lighten the mood. Jim Barksdale's ice cream cart wasn't just about ice cream; it was about creating a culture of inclusion and approachability. I strive to carry that lesson with me, ensuring my team knows they can always come to me, just as I once did with Jim.

Management Fundamentals: Mastering Emotional Control at Work When things happen at work that upset us, how we respond matters. Letting our emotions take control can result in negative behaviors, such as sarcasm, belittling, and passive aggressiveness. I used to take things personally and react impulsively, which affected my reputation and eroded my team's trust. One day, after one of my outbursts, a report asked me: Did I want him to understand my point or know I was angry? After realizing that my outbursts obscured my message, I committed to developing self-awareness and emotional management. Mastering my emotions has been challenging, and I still struggle. However, this behavioral change has improved my team's productivity, trust, and morale. Here's why emotional control is important: Communication: When people sense you are upset, it's hard for them to see your viewpoint. Visible anger can make others see you as biased and question your objectivity. Anger also hampers effective listening and shuts down opportunities for meaningful dialogue. Decision-making: When you're upset, thinking clearly and making rational decisions can be difficult. Even if you can be objective, your team members may not trust that you've considered all perspectives. Trust and Respect: Maintaining composure under pressure sets a positive example for your team. People mimic their leaders' behavior, don't be surprised if your team members start behaving similarly, creating a toxic cycle of negativity. Stress: Displaying anger and taking it out on team members creates a tense work environment, leading to burnout and higher turnover rates. This will negatively impact team morale and productivity. Expressing Emotions Wisely First and foremost, wait until the adrenaline rush is over, even if it takes a day or two. Before you speak or write that email, you need to get back to your reasonable self. The goal isn't to never get upset but to manage and express your feelings thoughtfully. Expressing controlled anger can be critical in conveying the seriousness of a significant mistake, emphasizing accountability for consistently unmet expectations, or addressing violations of company policies. When core values or ethics are compromised, expressing anger shows a strong commitment to those principles. Also, showing anger can protect and support your team if they are unfairly criticized. In urgent situations, controlled anger can effectively convey the need for immediate action. When expressing anger, stay calm and focus on the specific behavior or issue, not the person. Try to offer solutions, speak firmly but respectfully, follow up to ensure necessary changes get made, and show support for your team. Controlled anger can drive positive change and demonstrate strong leadership when used appropriately. Leaders who can't master emotional control are on borrowed time. If you can't get your feelings in check, your leadership days might be numbered.

Do you lead with questions or answers? One of the most challenging things for me to learn was knowing when to share my ideas and when to hold back. I am still working on it. It's always exciting when I have what I believe to be a great idea. I want to share it with my team right away. However, over the years, I have realized that my team gets better results when I ask questions about how they would solve problems before I weigh in. As leaders, we often mistakenly think we must always have all the answers. However, presenting our ideas first may lead our teams to adopt them without exploring alternatives. After all, executing the boss's idea feels safer than taking risks. Leading with questions, on the other hand, encourages your team to understand the underlying principles and concepts. They're not just memorizing an answer but learning how to approach the problem. Consider the impact of these two different approaches: 1. Telling your team, "We should refactor this code to improve its efficiency using the quicksort algorithm." 2. Asking, "How could we refactor this code to improve its efficiency? Why might your proposed method be more effective?" Engaging with questions opens the door to innovative and creative solutions you may have yet to consider. When we respect others' ideas, we often discover that their solutions are as effective—or even superior—to our own. Encouraging your team to engage in critical thinking and problem-solving fosters a deeper understanding. Rote memorization, by contrast, does little to foster comprehension or the ability to apply knowledge in new contexts. Taking time to ask questions sends a powerful message to your team: You genuinely value their ideas and see them as critical contributors to the team's success. Getting people to come up with their own solutions is really powerful because it makes them care more about the results. When team members help create plans, they're usually more committed to making them work. So, the next time you have an idea for your team, resist the urge to tell them outright. Instead, consider what questions you could ask to guide them toward discovering the same solution. It's a great way to check your work. In doing so, you may not only empower them, but also put your own reasoning to the test. Good leadership isn't about having all the solutions. It's about guiding your team to find them independently. Remember, hiring smart people loses its point if you're going to do all the thinking.

Early Lessons That Make a Difference Occasionally, I have the privilege of speaking with new graduates or employees who have just started their first job. The question they most often ask me is, "If you could go back and give your younger self advice, what would it be?" I never have enough time to answer this question fully, and I always leave thinking of things I forgot to mention. With that in mind, I wrote down a few pieces of advice that would have made a difference in my career. - Speak up! Don't let being new stop you. The fact that you are new gives you a unique and valuable perspective. Even if something seems obvious, don't hesitate to call it out and voice your opinion. Having a voice at work will strengthen your influence and get you noticed. - Don't prioritize work over your health. You might feel pressured to skip exercise and sleep to complete more work. This is a lousy tradeoff that will ultimately negatively impact your productivity, work quality, and well-being. Well-rested, healthy people perform better. - If you find yourself stuck, step away and return to it later. Taking a break can help refresh your perspective and give your brain a chance to work on the issue subconsciously. It may seem counterintuitive, but doing something else might be the quickest way to solve your problem. - Talk to everyone you can. Now is the time to invest in building your network. The people at the desks next to you are tomorrow's CEOs and industry leaders. It's easy to do. Most people like it when you are curious about their work and are more than happy to converse. - Your teammates are invaluable resources. Get to know the folks around you. Wisdom abounds, so learn from them. Understanding what has worked and not worked for others can be a big career shortcut. - Start making decisions, and try not to introduce new ones. Only ask if you know you have to. "Can I do x?" introduces a new decision, and you risk getting blocked. Instead, do it. Take ownership. It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission, but always weigh the risks. - The best way to learn (from someone) is to offer help. Find someone you want to learn from and be useful to them. People are more inclined to invest in you if you offer them something in return. - Talk to the executives. As a junior engineer, I felt nervous speaking to senior leaders. As a senior, I notice people are nervous to engage with me. Those who do stand out, and we often have the best conversations where we both learn new things. So, be bold and make high-level connections. - Set clear goals. Having a waypoint on which to focus your career will help clarify what you need to do. The more specific your goals are, the better your chances of achieving them. - Success is a team sport. It's hard to be successful without the support of others. That means it's essential for you to be a good teammate. Listen to what others say, try to make others successful, and most importantly–don't be a jerk.